I always loved cosmetics. I remember wanting to put on any moisturizer I could get my hands on, just like my grandma. But I wasn’t allowed to because “it will age me quickly and give me wrinkles”. I was secretly putting anything on, from perfume to powder and feeling almighty.
When I hit adolescence, I wasn’t allowed to wear any make-up because it “made me look older” and mom used to say “stay a child for as long as you can, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not…you will have time to put make-up on when you get older”. What did I do? Of course, I didn’t listen. I was getting caught up each time I had a tiny bit of mascara on, but didn’t care, I loved the powerful feeling I was getting each time I was expressing my femininity.
My first important job was with L’Oreal, the company I loved for the longest time. I remember running to the company store each time I needed an escape from the daily stress. I was excited each time a friend asked me to buy something for them – it meant an extra trip to the store. Somehow, sniffing shampoos, reading labels, admiring colorful little boxes were incredibly self soothing experiences to me.
Today I can still spend hours in the grocery aisles checking the ingredients of shower gels, analyzing shampoo’s product description and admiring makeup colors. Specialty stores or department stores are reserved for the ultimate experience of product inspection.
But 3 years ago, when Paul was born I stopped using creams, makeup and other products. My cosmetics cabinet resumed to argan oil, coconut oil and anything organic/natural. I wanted for my son to remember my natural odour, to feel my natural skin as I was breastfeeding him and more importantly, I wanted to snuggle him like a cat, skin on skin, and I wanted to smell him, not some chemical perfume.
Surprisingly, I wasn’t embarrassed to leave the house without foundation on. Somehow I didn’t care to show my imperfections. In a way, not wearing make-up was my declaration of peace with the outside world. This is what I am people: my skin is not perfect, I have a red spot on the top of my nose, my eyebrows are not perfectly shaped and my eyes are not quite symmetric. But underneath that, I am a sensitive, sometimes funny, strong woman.
So, today chances are that you might see me in all my imperfect natural self or you might see me a little styled up, for old times sake. And I totally assume both ways and I vow to respect myself either way 🙂