I need a break from motherhood

It’s 7:30 AM. I tell him he needs to finish his breakfast and get dressed. As usual, we are running late for school.

He replies with a categorical NO and spills his apple juice all over the floor. I take a deep breath and remind myself to “treat him as if he was my guest”, then I kindly ask him to help me clean up the mess he just made. He sais NO and throws his car at me. I take another deep breath, while cleaning and pretending I didn’t see the car flying straight into my face.

7:50 AM. I tell him I’m leaving without him. He quickly leaves the breakfast table and joins me on the couch, where I had laid all his clothes. Now he wants to pee and I escort him to the toilet. Suddenly, his face gets all wrinkly and tells me “I’m pooping, mamma”. I hold his hand while he pushes with all his strength and help him wipe his butt.

8:05 AM. As he’s getting dressed, a high pitched scream comes out of his mouth. At this point, I close my eyes and imagine I’m on a tropical island, alone, sipping on fresh coconut water. I open my eyes and ask him to calm down and explain me (with words) what he needs/wants. It turns out that he didn’t like the t-shirt I proposed and I quickly give him a new option.

8:15 AM. We finally get out of the house. On his way to the car, he stops to smell the flowers and counts all the pebbles that come his way. At this point, I lose it and firmly tell him “Get in the car!”. He turns all red, confused and teary and asks me to wipe his nose as I’m buckling him into his seat.

8:20 AM. I start sobbing as I drive slowly in the dense morning traffic. He asks me to play “The wheels on the bus” and gets inpatient as I’m trying to pay attention to driving and finding the damn CD. I lose it again: “Shut up! I’m trying to get you safe to school, before I find your CD”. Silence prevails, while his music is playing in the background.

8:35 AM. We get to school. He gives me a big hug and a kiss. He looks deeply into my eyes and sais: “Be careful, mamma! I love you!”. My heart melts and endorphins run through my body.

8:40 AM. I’m in my car. ALONE. My day starts. I have to work, then run errands. I realize how I’d love to have some time off from everything. But, after another deep breath, I realize I miss him already. Can’t wait to pick him up at 4:30 PM.

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