When my fat self ate my thin self

When I was 16, my (first) boyfriend jokingly called me Ms. Piggy. After that day, my reflection in the mirror became distorted.

By the time I was 17, I was eating very little and I was showered with compliments. If on the outside I was happily showing off my tiny waist, on the inside I was hungry (literally) and seeking help.

Then young adulthood came with the reverse of the medal. The earlier frustration and quest for admiration turned into emotional eating. By the time I turned 19, people couldn’t recognize me through my chubby cheeks.

It wasn’t until my ¬†middle 20’s, that somehow I decided to become friends with myself. I stopped beating myself down each time I wanted cake and praised myself when I managed to stay away from it.

Today, I’m far from being perfect. But I am open, grateful and compassionate towards my struggles. For the past 10 years, I’ve maintained a constant weight and gradually fixed the “distorted” mirror. And this is my general advice/words of thought for anyone who is struggling or has struggled with their weight:

  • treat yourself right. Talk to yourself the same way you’d comfort a friend (I bet you wouldn’t tell them: “You’re such a fat pig!”)
  • make peace with your imperfections. I have stretch marks, oily hair and plenty of scars…and yet, they are MINE. Own up to yours and make peace with them. The outcome can be so liberating (trust me on that!).
  • shut your ears/eyes when someone puts you down. Nobody knows your journey. You don’t need to justify either.
  • live up (in moderation)! Eat that cake and enjoy it! But also nourish your body. My mom always said that “spending some extra money on good quality food, will cut those pricey medical bills further down the road”.

me & ice cream

So go out, have fun, own up and enjoy every fat or skinny moment you have! Life is not about a number on a scale or fitting into a tight dress.

Be healthy and balanced. Cooking at home, nourishing your soul and pampering yourself will bring you stability and fulfillment. Dance and laugh, run and walk…or just stop to smell a flower. That’s what I learnt when my fat self ate my skinny self…

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